In order to be Poly one has opened themselves to love, intimacy and sex with more than one person. This opens a new level of joy that may not be available with monogamy. Most of us were taught, in one way or another, (Television, movies, family role models) that one person “should” be able to meet all of our needs. It often is very painful to realize that this myth, most of the time, is not true. We begin to add friends or we search for community for needs.
Configurations of Poly Configurations
A Poly relationship includes many different configurations that imply more than one intimate partner. For example one might have a primary relationship a partner, married or unmarried, and one or both of the individuals might have a secondary partner. Sometimes the relationship is a Throuple, where three people have an equal relationship with each other and live together.
Those who choose Poly relationships often experience it as a sexual orientation and ask themselves: am I Poly? They ask this question the same way that one might ask oneself: am I gay, straight or bisexual? Poly relationships include all sexual orientations. One partner might be heterosexual, the other might bisexual or all might be gay or lesbian.
When someone identifies as Poly, they have come to this realization. They look to more than one person to satisfy their needs. However, as opposed to a monogamous relationship, Poly individuals intentionally search for those that want or need the same experiences. By definition Poly relationships are an intentional way to find intimate partners who actively fulfill their needs.
Individuals who are poly often, learn, that they need to develop extraordinary communication skills to make each relationship extraordinary. In their book “More Than Two” Franklin Veaux and Eve Rikert use the analogy of tending a garden. “Your Garden will thrive, or not, based on the time and skill that goes into watering, weeding, fertilizing and selecting and placing your plants” in the right amount of sunshine and shade. Each person learns to communicate as effectively as they can and commit to learning and changing everyday.