Questions for the partners of Sex
addicts:

Have you discovered porn on your
partner's computer?

Have you suspected that you are
being cheated on?

Have you found questionable receipts?

Do you notice that your partner desires you less?  Have you felt it was your
fault?

You may be the partner of a sex addict!

There is help available for you too!  Call or email today for
immediate help.
415-834-1755 or info@goldengatecounseling.com







What is codependency?
    Codependency is a dependence on another human being for meaning.  This
    person becomes the focus of your life, and how you feel about yourself is
    based in the actions of someone else, therefore you do your best to control
    their behavior, so that they will make you feel good about yourself.  You may
    get very angry when they do not act the way you want them to.  You may
    want to get them out of your life.  However, being without them and the pain
    they cause you is even more painful then staying with them.

What type of people do codependents get involved with?
    It is common for you to be involved with someone who has an addiction, or
    a big problem you can help them with.  You feel like if only they will do what
    you want them to do, they would get better.  As a codependent you need to
    have someone to fix.  An addict is the perfect choice, because they can
    become the focus of your life.  They need you.  They will not abandon you
    because they want your help.  

How does codependency lead me awry?
    No one can change of fix another.  No one changes unless they are ready
    to.  And addict will not seek help unless they are ready.  There is nothing
    you can do, in fact trying to fix them only makes things worse for both of
    you.  It causes both of you pain.

What happens to the codependent if there is no one to fix?
    This is the painful place for you.  You will have to face yourself, rather than
    concentrate on the other.  You have your own pain, your own hurts from the
    past, usually dealing with your own family of origin.  You may have been
    abused either verbally, physically or sexually.  You probably had to take
    care of someone else in your family, such as a parent or a sibling. Taking
    care of them became more important then taking care of yourself.  In fact
    often your own survival in the family meant that you had to give to others.

Why is codependency sometimes called an addiction?
    The process of recovering from your codependent behavior can be as
    painful and as difficult as the addicts.  Once we stop the behavior that
    protects us from our own hurt, it brings up feelings that you have been
    avoiding your whole life.  The healing process takes time and is very
    uncomfortable.

What kind of help can I get?
    There are many forms of help.  The most common and readily available is a
    good therapist who understands codependency and a myriad of 12 step
    programs.  CODA, Codependents anonymous is very helpful.  Alanon was
    started to support spouses living with alcoholics.  Later, people went to
    Alanon if they had any family dealing with alcoholism.  COSA (Codependent
    partner of Sex Addicts) was founded to support those whose lives have
    been affected by sex addiction.  ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) is also
    a good resource.

What do I do now?
Mental Health appointments available in my downtown San
Francisco counseling office.
Golden Gate counseling Center serves the online community, as well as communities in San Francisco, Oakland,
Berkeley, Richmond, Pinole, Santa Rosa, San bruno, Daly City,  South San Francisco, Burlingame, Sausalito, San
Rafael, and Santa Cruz.  We service the counties:   Santa Clara County, Contra Costa county, Marin county, Sonoma
county, Monterey and Mendocino counties. We provide couples counseling, counseling for the gay lesbian bisexual
transgender and intersex community.  We deal with addictions to substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, sex addiction,
and debting.  We also offer family interventions, family therapy and relationship counseling.
Randy Weled, MFT
Marriage, Family Therapist
Golden Gate Counseling       
              Center
Downtown San Francisco
Call or email:   415-834-1755,
info@goldengatecounseling.com
for a free consultation today!
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